Asda is trying to ruin me!

To whom it may concern,

I do my supermarket shop online, for a number of reasons, I don’t drive, it’s easy, but mainly because I’m on a diet and when I go in to supermarkets my trolley accidently fills with high calorie “bargains”.

My retailer of choice recently has been Asda, not just because of your low prices, but because your website is simple to use and I respect anyone that doesn’t write a marketing tagline but instead uses a double ass spank (kinky sods).

Over the last 6 months, I’ve had the normal experience, friendly delivery drivers, one or two items changed, which I signed for, I know the risks and was happy with that.

However, yesterdays delivery was just not on, it was a farce in comparison to your normal service.

First of all, the delivery was booked for between 11 and 1. Your driver called me at 12:57 to explain he was going to be a bit late and would get to me in about 20 minutes. Which was the first stressful moment of my day, because I was due to leave at 1:30 to go to a personal training session (I’m not only on a diet, but exercising, your body needs a balance of both to look its best, so I have been told). He then assures me that he’ll be there in plenty of time.

1.25 – the driver arrives.

When I checked my box of eggs (eggs are a high part of my diet and a great source of protein) 5 of the 12 of them were broken. (there goes the diet) Something your driver was aware of when I pointed the eggs out to him “Oh, I can refund the eggs for you. You must eat a lot of these on your diet”. I guess he deduced this because I was standing in my gym clothes ready to meet my trainer and not because I ordered eggs in the hope of eating them.

He delivers the rest, then when I ask for the sheet to see the changes, he doesn’t have them. So I have no idea what has been changed in my order and don’t have the opportunity to check it, because it’s now 1.35 and I’m running late. So he just leaves without me approving the order.

I now leave for my PT session at 1.40, have to apologies for my tardiness because of yours, to a man that could break me in two just by thinking about it. He then proceeded to make the session the hardest yet, so you should know that typing this letter hurts today because you made him angry and he took it out on me.

I finally made my way home from the session, to check the rest of my order, only to find the chaos amongst the plastic bags. There are two sets of glasses missing. How is this even possible? I ordered them the night before, how can they be in stock 24 hours ago, but then undeliverable the next day?

I also ordered a double pack of cotton fresh febreeze Air Effects spray, because it’s a clean and neutral scent that says I’m a man, but I look after my home (it is also good for hiding the smell of someone on a high protein diet). You sent me one blossom & breezy Air Effects spray, which says either you’ve not read what I ordered or you want my house to smell like a massage therapists wet fart.

I also ordered Twinnings Salted Caramel Green Tea, you delivered Twinnings Jasmine Green Tea. That’s no where near the same thing! Green Tea is amazing for helping your body break down fat (of which I have too much), but do you know how boring it is to drink? When I saw a Salted Caramel flavoured one, I thought all my dreams were answered, then you stole it from me and replaced it with Jasmine. I’m not Aladdin and you are no Genie, so Jasmine shouldn’t be involved in this transaction!

In conclusion, not only did your depot mess up my order, I can’t even leave the house to get the stuff I wanted because you made my trainer break me.

There is a lot you have to make up for here Asda, I look forward to your reply to hear how you intend to do so.

Chris Henry